Wednesday, March 31, 2010

How to Cook an Easy Steak [for dummies]

Hello, I'm Executive Chef, KING MING
Today I'm gonna teach you how to cook a simple steak
Note that this is an unorthodox method of cooking steaks
My F&B lecturers, Culinary Science Chefs will probably slaughter me
if they were to see this post, but heck...
It is simply for saving time, money, equpiment and logistics.

Here's the shopping list:
1. Beef Blade Steak (276g) AUD3.86
2. Sunny Queen Farm Eggs (12pc) AUD5.99
3. Tabasco Sauce (60ml) AUD4.22

Lets get started!

Step 1
Marinate the Steak

Of cos if your steak is frozen, you have to defroze it first
Make sure that its not dripping wet, else you'll be in a lot of danger!
I'll tell you why later..
Anyhows I marinated with Salt+Garlic, Salt, Pepper and Tabasco sauce.
You may use anything that makes you happy
and I'm not responsible if you get diarrhea.
How to marinate? Just sprinkle about a tablespoon full of each
and massage your steak gently
(like how you would to your girlfriend when you're half asleep).
How long to marinate? You may marinate it for as long as you please
1 hour? 2 hours? Or even 30 years, perhaps by that time
human have discovered the technology to bring your steak back to life.
Moo.. Anyways I'm doing just 15min, I have a very busy life.

Step 2 (optional)
Limber Up

Similar to Zombieland Rule Number 18
Definitely not because the Steak will pounce on you for revenge
but do get some stretching done cos more dexterity is required
for the completion of this meal
You may follow me in my Roger Federer Warm-up Routine
while the steak is marinating..
Alternatively, you may do 10 Power Serves on Wii Tennis.

Step 3
Heat up your pan

Put some oil in it
Just enough to cover the base of the pan
We're gonna cook some eggs
What I am doing in the photo is a check to see the pan is hot enough
My hand is just slightly above the oil, not touching it
If you had mastered 铁砂掌 (Iron Fist) from Shaolin Temple or television
by all means, go test the hot oil with your fingers or tongue.

Step 4
Fry your Egg

You may do an omelette, sunnyside up whatever you prefer
I'm juz gonna fry it and flip it in halves like a 荷包蛋 (Wallet Egg)
How? Just crack the egg into the pan and swirl it so that
the egg gets spread out evenly
Wait till its relatively hard enough on the bottom,
flip one side towards the other.
Its easier on a non-stick pan, else use more oil.
Easy Peasy

Step 5
Add Baked Beans

Just pour in 1/3 canned baked beans
beside the egg to warm them up a bit
Heins Baked Beans are cheap and good
About AUD1/can
I don't know how much air it gives you
I do not fart surf..

Step 6
Cooking the Steak

Plate the Egg and Beans
Now we're gonna cook the Steak
Very important why I mention the Steak must not be dripping wet
If it is, the oil will splatter and you will get lots of free blisters
Trust me you do not want that!
Now with the tip of the steak touching the pan
So now gently and slowly slide it onto the pan.
"Clean as you go" I like to do my dishes
halfway through cooking, it saves time
I repeat, I am a very busy man!

How long do I cook my steak?
RARE: Cook each side for a few seconds, brown the surface and serve. High Heat.
MEDIUM RARE: Cook each sides longer. High Heat.
MEDIUM: Cook longer than long (what am I talking about?) Medium Heat.
MEDIUM WELL: Cook longer than longer than long. High Heat then Medium Heat.
WELL DONE: Cook same time or a bit longer than medium well. Medium Heat.
I usually have my steaks medium rare when I eat out.
But due to time constrait and the need to settle my meal fast
I'm gonna cook it medium well, and test the doneness by pressing it with my finger.
Does take some practice to perfect it, if you really wanna save all the trouble,
microwave it!

Step 7 (optional)
Speed up the Cooking

I'm gonna reduce the cooking time but poking holes
and cutting pockets on the steak
Its an ugly, distasteful way to treat a steak
So if you are a steak-lover who dreams of having sex with cows,
get a cheap steak or skip this step.
You will not seal the juices properly if you were to pocket your steak!
Likewise, you may wanna vent your anger on the steak
even before you cook it, but its easier to slice through when its slightly cooked.
Or to save even more time, you may cut them into dices.

Step 8
Charring the Fats

No I'm not name-calling girls who go by the name Charmaine, Charlene, Charmander etc
I'm cooking the side of the steak where the fats are
It makes the fats fragrant and tasty
If you're a health freak, you may remove the fats before you cook it.

Step 9

Plate your steak

Food Quality: 7.5/10
Food Presentation: 6/10
Value for Money: 9/10
Skills Involved: 4/10
Time Saving: 7.5/10
Mess Created: 6/10
Hazard Risk: 6/10
Other Comments: The oil splattering could be hazardous, so cook at low-medium heat if possible.

Recipe also available at

What I usually do is
cut everything up into bite-size
and eat while I'm at my books in my room
to save time and more mess.
I don't want my textbooks to smell of steak.

Most of the photos you see above are taken by
Chris Harvey


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