Wednesday, March 31, 2010

How to Cook an Easy Steak [for dummies]

Hello, I'm Executive Chef, KING MING
Today I'm gonna teach you how to cook a simple steak
Note that this is an unorthodox method of cooking steaks
My F&B lecturers, Culinary Science Chefs will probably slaughter me
if they were to see this post, but heck...
It is simply for saving time, money, equpiment and logistics.

Here's the shopping list:
1. Beef Blade Steak (276g) AUD3.86
2. Sunny Queen Farm Eggs (12pc) AUD5.99
3. Tabasco Sauce (60ml) AUD4.22

Lets get started!

Step 1
Marinate the Steak

Of cos if your steak is frozen, you have to defroze it first
Make sure that its not dripping wet, else you'll be in a lot of danger!
I'll tell you why later..
Anyhows I marinated with Salt+Garlic, Salt, Pepper and Tabasco sauce.
You may use anything that makes you happy
and I'm not responsible if you get diarrhea.
How to marinate? Just sprinkle about a tablespoon full of each
and massage your steak gently
(like how you would to your girlfriend when you're half asleep).
How long to marinate? You may marinate it for as long as you please
1 hour? 2 hours? Or even 30 years, perhaps by that time
human have discovered the technology to bring your steak back to life.
Moo.. Anyways I'm doing just 15min, I have a very busy life.

Step 2 (optional)
Limber Up

Similar to Zombieland Rule Number 18
Definitely not because the Steak will pounce on you for revenge
but do get some stretching done cos more dexterity is required
for the completion of this meal
You may follow me in my Roger Federer Warm-up Routine
while the steak is marinating..
Alternatively, you may do 10 Power Serves on Wii Tennis.

Step 3
Heat up your pan

Put some oil in it
Just enough to cover the base of the pan
We're gonna cook some eggs
What I am doing in the photo is a check to see the pan is hot enough
My hand is just slightly above the oil, not touching it
If you had mastered 铁砂掌 (Iron Fist) from Shaolin Temple or television
by all means, go test the hot oil with your fingers or tongue.

Step 4
Fry your Egg

You may do an omelette, sunnyside up whatever you prefer
I'm juz gonna fry it and flip it in halves like a 荷包蛋 (Wallet Egg)
How? Just crack the egg into the pan and swirl it so that
the egg gets spread out evenly
Wait till its relatively hard enough on the bottom,
flip one side towards the other.
Its easier on a non-stick pan, else use more oil.
Easy Peasy

Step 5
Add Baked Beans

Just pour in 1/3 canned baked beans
beside the egg to warm them up a bit
Heins Baked Beans are cheap and good
About AUD1/can
I don't know how much air it gives you
I do not fart surf..

Step 6
Cooking the Steak

Plate the Egg and Beans
Now we're gonna cook the Steak
Very important why I mention the Steak must not be dripping wet
If it is, the oil will splatter and you will get lots of free blisters
Trust me you do not want that!
Now with the tip of the steak touching the pan
So now gently and slowly slide it onto the pan.
"Clean as you go" I like to do my dishes
halfway through cooking, it saves time
I repeat, I am a very busy man!

How long do I cook my steak?
RARE: Cook each side for a few seconds, brown the surface and serve. High Heat.
MEDIUM RARE: Cook each sides longer. High Heat.
MEDIUM: Cook longer than long (what am I talking about?) Medium Heat.
MEDIUM WELL: Cook longer than longer than long. High Heat then Medium Heat.
WELL DONE: Cook same time or a bit longer than medium well. Medium Heat.
I usually have my steaks medium rare when I eat out.
But due to time constrait and the need to settle my meal fast
I'm gonna cook it medium well, and test the doneness by pressing it with my finger.
Does take some practice to perfect it, if you really wanna save all the trouble,
microwave it!

Step 7 (optional)
Speed up the Cooking

I'm gonna reduce the cooking time but poking holes
and cutting pockets on the steak
Its an ugly, distasteful way to treat a steak
So if you are a steak-lover who dreams of having sex with cows,
get a cheap steak or skip this step.
You will not seal the juices properly if you were to pocket your steak!
Likewise, you may wanna vent your anger on the steak
even before you cook it, but its easier to slice through when its slightly cooked.
Or to save even more time, you may cut them into dices.

Step 8
Charring the Fats

No I'm not name-calling girls who go by the name Charmaine, Charlene, Charmander etc
I'm cooking the side of the steak where the fats are
It makes the fats fragrant and tasty
If you're a health freak, you may remove the fats before you cook it.

Step 9

Plate your steak

Food Quality: 7.5/10
Food Presentation: 6/10
Value for Money: 9/10
Skills Involved: 4/10
Time Saving: 7.5/10
Mess Created: 6/10
Hazard Risk: 6/10
Other Comments: The oil splattering could be hazardous, so cook at low-medium heat if possible.

Recipe also available at

What I usually do is
cut everything up into bite-size
and eat while I'm at my books in my room
to save time and more mess.
I don't want my textbooks to smell of steak.

Most of the photos you see above are taken by
Chris Harvey


How to Cook Pasta [for dummies]

Today I'm gonna teach you how to make a step-by-step quick
Tomato-based Pasta
This is a fairly simple dish that doesn't require much time and effort
Un-conventional ingredients were used as "cheat codes" for efficiency
without compromising the taste of your meal

Intended for:
1. People who rarely cook, are sucky cooks, are lazy to do mis en place
2. Busy students/workers who need a quick meal
3. Modern women who can't cook for nuts or amateurs
4. Hungry cheapskates on budget meals
5. People who do not have elaborated kitchen equipments

To start, lets take a look at the
Shopping List:
1. Coles Pasta Sauce (700g) AUD1.99
2. Coles Parmesan Cheese (250g) AUD4.39
3. Coles Salt (500g) AUD0.79
4. Mckenzies Pepper (100g) AUD2.73
5. Masterfood Salt Garlic (62g) AUD1.85
6. Masterfood Chillies Hot (27g) AUD2.52
7. Masterfood Parsley (4g) AUD1.54
8. Brown Mushrooms (200g) AUD2.79
9. Sanremo Zita Penne (500g) AUD1.95
10. Minced Pork (200g) AUD1.40

Notice that you can use these items to cook like what?
3-4 servings and most of them are reusable and optional.
I'll be preparing a slightly above average Asian portion sized meal.
Do the mathematics and Standard Deviations, work out your own budget.
This is just what I would use, you may be creative.
This meal costs me around AUD4
and 20min off my busy schedule.

This dish cannot, I repeat CANNOT, be used to impress your girlfriend,
potential girlfriend, gay partner, future mother-in-law whatever.
It is just a quick meal equivalent to a microwaved meal,
only taste better, healthier and cheaper!
I am not responsible if you cook this at Thanksgiving
that results in a divorce or war with your in-laws.

Let's get started!

Step 1
Cook your penne
(or any dried pasta that you have purchased, be it spaghetti, fettucini, macroni etc
I would slap you if you email me saying you've purchased lagsane skins
Tell you what.. tear them into bite-sizes and eat them like 面粉糕/板面 if you please.)
You may wanna add some salt to speed up the boiling
and prevent sticking of the pasta..
If you have plenty of time, you may wanna prepare a large bowl of ice water
to shock the pasta when its cooked.

Step 2
Chop up the mushrooms

I'm only doing this while my penne is boiling
because I am good at multi-tasking. I can play PSP, watching television, listen to the radio, brush my teeth and countdown to the new year while having sex. If you can't cook a meal without burning down the kitchen, do this before you boil your pasta, capiche?
Notice I did not cut them into slices too thin, I want soft chewy mushrooms in my pasta.
If you prefer flossing your teeth with mushrooms, bring them to your sashimi chef.

Step 3
Cook the Pasta Sauce

Heat up your pan, add some oil, dump in about 250g of pasta sauce
(you may add all 700g if you want pasta tomato soup
and if you may ask - what kind of oil should I use? Olive, Corn, Sunflower etc?
Its up to you, I'm just using normal cooking oil cos after all my herbs and spices
trust me you can't taste your EXPENSIVE-extra-extra-extra-hail-mary-virgin-olive oil)
When you think its heated up enough, throw in your minced meat (defroze if frozen)
and break them apart, stir them around up down left right
You may give it a lil toss if its not your responsibility to clean the kitchen later

Note: My pasta is still boiling throughout. My definition of "Al Dente" may be different from yours. If you like your pasta soft and runny like baby food, cook it overnight in a slow-cooker beforehand. If you like them crunchy, you don't even need to boil them.

Step 4
Throw in your Diced Mushrooms

Notice that I have to separate this step. I'm about to introduce an optional step which if you're not particular about what you eat, you may skip.
I have thrown in the mushrooms, give the pan a lil swirl and covered it with a lid.
It is crucial to minimise touching the mushrooms too much if you want juicy mushrooms.
They are fragile and delicate little fungus that shrivel up as you touch them.
(Unlike women, they are of an indirect relation - the less you touch them, the more juice they produce)

So here I want minimal contact. How to tell if your mushrooms are cooked?
There is a hissing sound when you put in the mushrooms
When it turns into a soft and slow hiss, off the heat.

FAQ: I can't hear the hissing sound, is there something wrong with my mushrooms?
ANS: There is something wrong with your ear; otherwise turn off your television, radio or girlfriend. Every fresh mushroom hiss like a snake, except of cos smaller and less juicier ones like enoki/nametake (which you probably need to plug in industrial speakers).

Step 5
Season your pasta sauce

Add salt, pepper, herbs, spices, soy sauce, vinegar whatever you like.
I've added just sprinkles of salt+garlic, chillies and parsley.
Drain out the water from the pasta,
(you may want to massage your pastas with olive oil at this part)
and throw everything into a bowl/plate.
Grab a handful of grated parmesan cheese and sprinkle them over the top.

Step 6
Eat your f*ckin' pasta while pippin' hot

Notice that you save a lot of time on preparing the pasta sauce from scratch.
Of course if you want you can start by peeling tomatoes and onions.
Do note that this recipe is mostly for lazy amateurs.

Food Quality: 8/10
Food Presentation: 6/10
Value for Money: 10/10
Skills Involved: 2/10
Time Saving: 9/10
Mess Created: 3/10
Hazard Risk: 2/10
Other Comments: In conclusion, it is a LOW risk, LOW mess, LOW skill, LOW cost meal.

FAQ: Your recipe sucks! My lecturer failed me when I used it in my F&B project.
ANS: I get that a lot, especially if your lectuer is female.

FAQ: Your recipe sucks! My kitchen burst into flames and I'm now homeless.
ANS: Buy insurance before you cook in future. Go collect your welfare cheque.

FAQ: Your recipe rocks! I just made twenty grands profit selling this in my restaurant.
ANS: Transfer 10% of your monthly profit into my bank account, thanks.

Recipe also available at

iPhone Updates

Was watching Family Guy Season 8 happily at Sammy's
when Fei Fei came, made 130dB of noise pollution
bugging us to have lunch with her.
Sam refuses to wake up, so I was tasked to escort her to lunch
This is Avocado Chicken Rice from Inhouse, Meyer Center

Fei Fei has some mushroom salad
from Sumo Salads before we went to catch
Bounty Hunter at Birch Meyer
The show was quite nice, with
Jennifer Aniston as a value-added attribute
She's amazingly cute & hawt for her age (42 yr old)

After that we went to have a haircut at
KOOGI, Albert Street

The hair stylist massages my scalp a lot
I kinda enjoy that during a haircut
It makes me feel like a puppy..


Then we went to shoot some hoops at TimeZone
I scored pretty badly
perhaps due to the shift in balance from a post-haircut

But I totally pwn-ed Fei Fei's ass in Air Hockey
Set 1: 5-7

Set 2: 0-7

Next game was Gun Bullet aka Point Blank (Namco 1994)

We completed the NORMAL missions easily
then played Lets Go Jungle! (Sega 2006)
shooting game that has huge-ass mutant insects coming after you
Failed terribly!

Last stop, Cafe East for some drinks

Strawberry Milkshake and Stella Artois


Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Never Say Never

There's some things we don't talk about
Rather do without
And just hold the smile
Falling in and out of love
Ashamed and proud of
But together all the while

You can never say never
Why we don't know when
Time, time, time again
Younger now than we were before

Don't let me go

Picture, you're the queen of everything
As far as the eye can see
Under your command
I will be your guardian
When all is crumbling
To steady your hand

You can never say never
Why we don't know when
Time, time, time again
Younger now then we were before

Don't let me go

We're pulling apart and coming together again and again
We're growing apart but we pull it together, pull it together, together again

Don't let me go

Monday, March 29, 2010

Life in Brisbane

第6570天的夜晚 爱情 醒了
在37.8℃中 狠狠的 相爱
3/4的 雨水 1/4的 我和你
这句话 我将锁在18岁的 夏天
灼熟的名字 在23.1n 121.5e中 蒸发

Jay's housemate, Ah Har made some
Vietnamese Fried Rolls
Super delicious!

Everyone loves it!

Blue Cheese with Crackers

I bought a
"Caroline" Guzmania for my study table
Can't live without plants in my room

Man at Work

Was invited over for dinner

Winnie cooked Prima Taste Mee Siam

Jay helped to distribute the Lime Juice

Pretty Awesome, right?
And its tasty!

Went to Wilston Station..

To check out Nuggets Thai Boxing Gym

Dinner was at
Hot Wok Cafe City
at Elisabeth Arcade, City

10% Discount for Students

Its actually curry

Fighter with Laksa

Sweet and Sour Pork with Rice

Pseudo-fighter with SSP

Went to Unilodge with Sammy
His room has a river view - Wow!

Played some card tricks
and a couple of Jack Daniels

iPhone Updates

Click on image "Save As" into your phone
to cheat during your eye tests


My Burmese project-mate, Zin

Dinner at
Indian Kitchen, West End

Missisippi Mud Cake with Latte
The Three Monkeys

The very lo-so lecturer at 2105HSL

Love to watch Blinky Bill
when I was younger
I think I can still sing the theme song..