Tuesday, January 13, 2009

a dream..

i had a dream..

that me, tracy and jessica
were in a car with 2 strangers
we were in the back seat
weird things happened

just before i woke up
i dreamt of the Thousand-hand/eye-Avalokiteśvara
with uncle lee meditating in front of it
then lawrence walked pass
then kenny walked pass
i became very very very very upset
because i don't understand

i reasoned with myself

色不异空 空不异色
色即是空 空即是色
everything in this world
does not to exist
nothing last forever

nothing in this world is right/wrong
there is always two side of the coin
if it is used in a good way, it is a merit
if it is used in a bad way, it is a sin

i reasoned with myself

if my money can help:

1. an old lady bail her son out from prison
she will live with less worries
will her son turn over a new leaf?
or will he think his mother will always save her?
am i perversing her karma?
cos if i save her this time
worse things may happen to her

2. a poor man
who works very hard everyday
hardly can afford anything luxurious
live a simple life
but hopes that sometimes he can strike lottery
and buy his family some nice food
am i perversing his karma?
for he is only human
will he stop working hard for money, for survival?

i have cultivated greed in people
and SO MANY people
我错了 真的错了

james, if you are reading this
i think i have made up my mind

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